by Aarushi Agrawal

No one warns you that love is learned. In novels and movies, love is passionate, swift and intense. But in Krishna consciousness, love is a process. It starts with having no thoughts at all about Krishna. One keeps chanting His name but feels no obsession toward him. One associates with His devotees but has more interest in the devotee than in object of their devotion. The words of scripture and acaryas don’t make much sense. And the entire culture seems rather alien and exclusive. Things change slowly. If you show Krishna your commitment by sticking around. What’s meant to be the grandest and truest love story of your life, the love you share with Krishna, doesn’t hit you all at once. It unravels at a steady pace.

This, Krishna is teaching us, is what love is. So why have we come so far away from that in our society? Why is the popular perception of this emotion so contrary? 

In a world that’s forcing you to race, aided in its effort to push things forward by things like social media and quick commerce, patience starts to wane. We scroll on social media because we receive quick dopamine hits. In an interview with University Hospitals, Cleveland’s healthcare system, Courtney Batt, MD, an adolescent medicine expert, says that the dopamine release is what makes scrolling addictive. “So even though it often leads to negative feelings such as depression and anxiety, endlessly scrolling also offers the positive feelings associated with dopamine. The more you scroll, the more dopamine is released to reinforce and reward the behavior,” says Batt. The same principle has led to the success of businesses like BlinkIt and Zepto, where items are delivered to customers in ten minutes. These businesses play on the brain’s “pleasure principle,” flaring up the human need to seek immediate pleasures. In the research article “Consumer Psychology of Instant Gratification in Quick Commerce: Why Do Indians Choose 10-Minute Delivery?” by Lokendra Singh Venawat, the writer explains: “On a neurological level, the anticipation and receipt of a quick reward — such as a product arriving minutes after ordering — triggers a release of dopamine, reinforcing the behavior. This can create a powerful “addictive loop.” As many are aware, addictive substances do the same thing. “Most drugs affect the brain’s “reward circuit,” causing euphoria as well as flooding it with the chemical messenger dopamine,” says the National Institute on Drug Abuse website. 

Social media has become essential to work and an active, social, involved life. The businesses that seek to rewire our brains are running profits and being lauded as intelligent and exciting. Substances are considered cool and edgy. Our brains are constantly seeking out dopamine in one way or the other because that’s the world we live in. That’s the world that’s celebrated and encouraged. And we’re not lesser people if we give in to this system.

This behaviour, however, trickles into our relationships too. Love is more about quick satisfaction today and less about vulnerability and feeling. Our dealings with our grandparents are impatient, parents are unrelatable, friendships are fleeting. But this behaviour shows up most strongly in our romantic conquests. Relationships today follow a pattern of attention-excitement-withdrawal-repeat. Be it matching with someone on a dating app, exchanging high charged banter, feeling desired, being physically intimate. Each of these gives us a dopamine hit. In The Molecule of More, authors Daniel Z Leiberman, MD and Michael E Long, explain that “dopamine activity is not a marker of pleasure. It is a reaction to the unexpected — to possibility and anticipation.” And often, once the newness fades, the relationship falters. The book adds, “Why does love fade? Our brains are programmed to crave the unexpected and thus to look to the future, where every exciting possibility begins. But when anything, including love, becomes familiar, that excitement slips away … when things become part of the daily routine, dopamine is no longer triggered to give you those feelings of excitement.” 

We have become wired to crave dopamine hits and instant gratification in all that we do, see, consume, eat, think and believe. As we know how the mind is like a drunk monkey stung by a scorpion. And it’s jumping from one addiction to the next, focusing on its endless pursuit of pleasures, and thinking of nothing else.

But inside a spiritual place like a temple, where network is often patchy, quick commerce is unnecessary and addictive substances are recognised as harmful and dangerous, we can catch our breath. Through the process of Krishna consciousness, we’re learning to not need dopamine as quickly. Instead, one must put in some time and effort to feel a release of dopamine. The pleasure must be earned. 

Slow dopamine leads to long term satisfaction and wellbeing. And some activities to earn it include exercising, reading, eating healthy foods, human connection, meditation, learning something new, challenging yourself and being creative. In Krishna consciousness, we must wake up early, move and be active, read Srila Prabhupada’s books, eat prasada, associate with devotees, do two hours of mantra meditation each day, keep learning more about Krishna and scripture, challenge ourselves to be better each day, be creative in the ways we serve Krishna. A culture that can seem so alien at first is actually a way of life that’s slow, meaningful, engaged and one that places Krishna at the centre of everything. 

Instead of love being about immediacy, Krishna’s love is about eternity. It must start small so it can grow every day. We must do sadhana so we can make space for the love to be felt. We must be vulnerable and feeling. Krishna is teaching us to slow down. To not need immediate gratification. To connect. To let love be a process. 

We live in a world where we’ve forgotten how to sit and feel. So it makes sense that now, love must be learned.

Aarushi is an independent culture journalist with an interest in reading, writing and spending time with her cat. She has been connected with ISKCON Chowpatty since 2023 and finds deep satisfaction in the association of devotees around her. She’s slowly making sense of Srila Prabhupada’s teachings and learning how to notice Krishna’s presence at the heart of everything and everyone around her.